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Deafening silence

Am I enjoying my beer or am I drowning in them? I can’t deny that I’ve been having them ridiculously at anytime I felt like it – after breakfast, before going for work at night, I crave a bottle or a can so badly sometimes. It has become a need to not stay a 100% sober just to get through the days. Am I turning alcoholic? Is this how alcoholics feel? Am I a big fucking mess?

When I’m focused and busy as fuck, or when I am enjoying companionship, I get through these days of moving on easily. And when all the hectic days are done and the fun is over, going home alone, I thought I’d find peace – so that’s what I thought.

As soon as peace comes in, loneliness creeps in, the silence becomes deafening – deafening because these thoughts are so loud, so loud that that it hurts, it hurts so bad that the only way to suppress it is to drown in alcohol.

Moving on, I started picking up the pieces of my broken heart, then I realized that you still hold most of the pieces, and I’m not sure if I want them back just yet…

I will be better eventually, but for now, everyday’s a struggle.

Goodnight.